The Darkstar. The anger I love.

I like to think I connected with my feelings rather well. I start to not only understand but actively use and modify my emotions by being in touch with my inner self. Since all those feelings only returned to me after I escaped the dark void of depression, I came a long way. I know what gives me happiness, I know how to overcome sadness. I get pride and disgust pretty well too. But there is one thing that keeps eluding my understanding. This weird, I believe unnamed feeling, the positive anger.

This track is a result of trying to turn this emotion into music. The title as well. My love for the stars, including the Sun, was expressed in many posts. So far, I have always associated them with beauty, purity, something magical, stunning, a blessing. This time, it’s something else.

The Darkstar, you see, is an abomination of those things, these feelings. A twisted version of the magic I always speak of. It’s the star that doesn’t make its world brighter, but merely highlights its elements with heavy rays of red light. It’s cold and capricious. And knowing all of that try to understand this: it’s not a feeling I consider bad.

True, complex sadness, one that isn’t caused by things as trivial as a rainy day or fight with a significant other, is colorless. It’s not a feeling, but an absence of one. Nothing ever feels intense or exciting. That’s what gets you – the world without the spark.

And sure, anger,  real anger isn’t something that you want to spend your life feeling. It can cause so much damage, to you and to everyone around. There’s nothing appealing in being enraged, not in the long run.

But the feeling I’m trying to explain, the Darkstar, is not just any anger. It’s the pride that comes from understanding your value. The confidence that comes from knowing your place. The satisfaction coming from feeling the success you achieved returning profits, while you still hunger for more. It’s the aggression that makes your enemies stay away, as they see you’re for the time being untouchable. The absolute readiness to go on, to continue, to conquer whatever remains unconquered just yet.

It’s overwhelming in its abruptness and terrifying in its potential. It can be dangerous, and it can turn into something much worse quickly. But it’s something else entirely from everyday emotions. It can be tamed and used. It can fit just right if you let it. It doesn’t have to be disturbing, in fact, it doesn’t want to and it won’t unless you push it too far.

A day will come,
When the Darkstar will burn again,
And on a dark night
It will light up the sky,

Out of the black,
Darkstar’s new shine will find a way,
The shadow will perish in light,

Enjoy the music.

-Calmest Waters

 

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