Song: Invicti

It’s the exam week at my university this week, so my time is a scarce resource for the moment. I can’t exactly focus on writing more elaborate posts and trust me, they’re coming, but instead, I’m going to share a real treat with you. A track recorded at the dawn of my music-making adventure.

This is a rather exclusive release, you know. I haven’t yet shared a track this old, and I don’t think I would share it if I didn’t randomly encounter it on a file folder on my laptop in which it had no business being. Fate?

But I like the track, I really do. So much in fact, that it’s one of very few tracks I completed and never returned to, either to fix or improve anything. It’s a quickly progressing track that is designed to power you up, for the new day that’s coming, for the challenge behind the corner, you name it. It’s fun, it’s powerful, it’s surprisingly clean-sounding comparing to the quality of the other tracks from that “era”.

If I were to publish an album, this track would be a Side B exclusive one-time-only event producer’s cut edition track. In short.

Hope you enjoy it!

-Calmest Waters

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The Green

I’ve established some time ago that when it comes to enjoying the world outside, under regular circumstances, Summer trumps Winters, and my Summer Home in the countryside trumps my home-for-the-rest-of-the-year in the city. This should be self-explanatory. But there is a catch, you see.

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I live in Poland, which is, you know it’s there. The climate here isn’t as harsh as the stereotypes explain I’ve come to notice, but it isn’t Hawaii either. It gets warmer around late March, proper Summer factually starts around mid-June, and the Autumn begins with October. The Winters are the worst and the most unpredictable. Sometimes, we don’t see snow until January, which is great, and even then only traces amounts of it, which is ecstatic, but sometimes blizzards hit us in November.

But I have my own way of categorizing whether it’s the Summer-part of the year or the Winter-part of the year. I’m not sure if I mentioned it anywhere before.

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Song: Searching for harmony

A new track on my Soundcloud profile that fits into the greater theme of this blog, which is searching for harmony, that out of… I don’t know, vanity I suppose, I named it just that, “Searching for harmony”.

A track as simple sounding as it is difficult to arrange in a way that would capture the essence of what I wanted it to be. Sounds aligning to the main theme, which guides, if not carries the rest of the instruments. A music where each note is a natural consequence of the note before it, much like every good day is a result of a well-spent yesterday. You might say this is just what all music is, an arrangement of notes, but in this case, I wanted the main theme to absolutely dominate the song and have everything else that contributes to the track move from the chaos that it is in the beginning, to the perfect composition, perfect harmony that the main theme imposed.

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Calmest Waters Revival

It’s time, I’m longing for home again,
And I fly, from the eye of the storm I come,
I see that shine whereever I roam the land,
I’m Alive,
Alive I’m riding back to the sun,

Chris Bay

That’s right.

My heart’s at peace and my soul won’t falter, my friends, as everything returns back to the way it should. I have once again emerged victorious from all the commotion that keeps, and as it seems will forever keep returning every now and then, and even though it tries harder and harder every time to disturb me, my tolerance rises in time and so does my determination. 

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That being said, I do owe you an explanation. Especially since most likely sudden departures will be occurring rather frequently, certainly more frequently than I would wish them to.

The thing is, I have two separate chronic illnesses. I’ve been diagnosed with hypothyroidism over six years ago, and with multiple sclerosis four years ago. A lot of my depression comes from the fact that I neglected my health for far too long, and a lot of my recovery is me being taken care of better than I deserved. Anyway, although I am nearly 100% functional most of the time, there are days, and, recently, weeks, where I’m struggling more than I would prefer to let people around me know. Weeks when I truly can’t spend any resources on writing posts or making music simply because I wouldn’t do it right anyway. A decision I made when I was starting this blog was to do it right. What does that mean in this context? Well, essentially, don’t force yourself to do anything. Otherwise, this blog, which I truly consider a success, or a tool as useful as I hoped it to be, will fail, like so many projects I started before, and which are now forgotten because of my wrong choices and attitude.

I only recently realized that hell, I can tell you all of this, because I’m still anonymous to the internet, at least while using a disguise of Calmest Waters. You can still judge me, but your judgment is irrelevant. A perfect relationship.

Alright. We’ve wasted a lot of time, everyone. While I did neglect to post anything on the blog these last couple of weeks, I do have a lot coming, for you, and for me. We’re talking songs, we’re talking thoughts&discussion opportunities, we’re talking writing of any and all sizes and shapes. So, let’s get to it. Better late than ever.

Thank you for the all the kind words and support, truly. I can’t promise to be a better blogger, but I do promise to be a better friend to you from now on.

-Calmest Waters

P.S. I couldn’t help but notice that “likes-wise”, the post about me taking a break from running this blog was one of the most successful posts on this blog. I’m not sure how to think about this, so I won’t. But I’ll be watching you all.

P.P.S. That is INDEED a Creedence Clearwater Revival reference in the title, good for you to notice!

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A hiatus.

Difficult circumstances force me to take a break in running this sorry excuse for a blog. 

Some old issues I have to deal with again, some new things I need to think through – much like in my posts, but this time, I can’t do it here. I sincerely hope to return to writing sometime in December, but at this point, it’s impossible to tell if I will.

Regardless, a big “thank you” to everyone who dropped by and stayed even for a moment.

And then special thanks to two people, whom I don’t feel at liberty to name just yet, and who have been especially supportive and incredibly nice to me this whole time, which made it not just beneficial, but also simply fun to write down my thoughts and share my music that carelessly. I feel I might be letting you two down right now, leaving things hanging this way, but I promise to do my best and make up for it in the future.

See you all later!

-Calmest Waters

What do I stand for?

There was a time when I honestly believed that the needs of love and belonging are unreasonably high on the pyramid of Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs. I understood the need of love to the extent that I could, as having the privilege of being raised by a loving family, I only truly understood the value of their care and support later on, when I was confronted by realities other than the only one that I was familiar with. But need to “belong” always contradicted my honest and dare I say still not irrational view, that it’s better to be true to yourself than seek acceptance by compromising. I hoped that in time, I will naturally learn how to connect these two “concepts”, but unfortunately, it only became more difficult to understand.

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I am not, and I have never been an outcast or a hermit. I’m not anti-social and I don’t live in a constant state of anxiety. Finally, I wouldn’t even consider myself a loner, at least not anymore. I have a small but a reliable group of good friends, with whom I spend a great time, which comes truly effortlessly. But undoubtedly, I am an introvert. I have discussed solitude before, I have explained why I prefer to do some things alone, and at all times, I tried to emphasize that while introverted, I enjoy a company. A good company. But I have also never hidden the fact, that ultimately, I only feel completely comfortable when I’m alone. Not because of what I can do when I’m alone and can’t do when I’m in a company, but because of what I don’t have to do.

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Yellow Wander.

I’ve been very vocal about the inferiority of the wheat fields to the corn fields, but let me tell you, however wonderful the October might be, eventually, and usually, sooner than you expected, you start missing every single Summer-exclusive thing, including the once dreaded wheat fields. Fortunately, being the genius I am, I predicted that my heart will long for the sight of the golden sea, and prepared myself for that eventuality properly. Photos are taken, memories cataloged and stored safely, and at last, music recorded and posted on Soundcloud.

Looking back, I think I might have been a little too harsh on the wheat, barley and whatever else looks like these two. I mean sure, cornfields will always be cornfields, but when I think “Summer”, I think green, light blue and yellow. Green for the leaves on the trees, which in my mind are the one thing that determines in which of the two recognizable seasons: Winter-ish or Summer-ish, we are right now. Light blue for the sky dozed with a tiny amount of white, fluffy clouds. And yellow, for the golden fields bathed in the bright sun.

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Song: Small Town Autumn

Every October that I can recall had these couple of really warm days around three/four weeks in. This one is no different, which has inspired me to make this little track, which might I say, I consider to be one of better ones in terms of conveying emotions I wanted to express.

Unfortunately, this year I’m stuck in a big city for October, so I can’t use those days to the fullest. But, when life gives you lemons, right? The spare time that I couldn’t spend on biking I spent on making this track right there.

Small Town Octobers are great, let me tell ya. The nostalgia after the Summer is usually done and dealt with by the end of September, which, by the way, has the unpleasant, unfortunate role of being the sadsack of the year by introducing us to often sudden temperature drop, as the Holidays end and Fall is just around the corner. Personally, I don’t mind September that much, but the problem that I do have with it is that it’s neither Summer anymore, nor is it just yet Autumn.

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Song: After Dark

Living in my home-for-the-rest-of-the-year for past two weeks now, I’ve become somewhat desperate to find places in this big city that would give me any sense of… not being in a city. It’s bloody hard to get out of here without a car, so the best I can do if take nice long walks through parks, of which there is plenty. There’s one in particular that I like.

But first, it just happened to be Friday the 13th today, when I’m posting this song, for which I meant to be creepy, mysterious, and unsettling in a way. It’s just a lucky coincidence, that’s all.

So, the park. For starters, it has an irregular shape, with a lot of cuts and bends, and it sort of “twists” in one place too. What I want to say, is that it’s really freaking easy to get lost in that park. Not necessarily get stuck in there unable to find a way out, but if you spend there some time and you finally walk out, there’s at least eighty percent chance that you end up not on the side of the park you thought you’re going towards.

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If you could have dinner with anyone from history, who would it be?

I’m a little feverish tonight, which is a great opportunity to do some writing like that. And it is an interesting topic, isn’t it? I knew that before I started thinking about it, but I discovered that in fact, it’s not just fun, but in a way, troubling too. My kind of topic.

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Obviously, there are two ways to look at this question, and because of that, there are two categories of answers. The first one is the personal approach. Having someone close to you who passed away or is otherwise unavailable, someone you felt a close connection to or imagine you would have one. The emotional choice.

And then there is the seemingly creative approach. Elvis Presley, Albert Einstein, Jesus Christ, you know, the greatest hits. Someone famous, exciting, maybe a bit mysterious, preferably a pop culture icon. Having the entire history of humanity to choose from doesn’t seem to inspire enough, though, and the choices don’t seem to vary that much in the end. While it’s idiotic not to admit that a dinner with Elvis would be freaking awesome, and given the opportunity I would be an idiot not to go for it, but I imagine there’s only so much I could ask him about. A one-time event and that’s it. Jesus seems like a more intriguing choice, with potentially life, if not world-changing consequences, but it’s impossible to do it without certain expectations, and it’s highly unlikely to learn something we don’t already know. What I mean, is that if you believe in God, you feel like a bigger or smaller part of His plan, there’s nothing new you would learn from Jesus, would you? And if you don’t, and you would happen to be right, you’ll take nothing from the dinner, and if you’re wrong, you have to assume that meeting Jesus wasn’t the only way God would have you converted. You see what I mean. If you’re meeting someone having some expectations of the meeting, your experience won’t be… “full”.

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